Short story, writing

Castle Home in the Sky

fantasy-3077928__480

Pixabay Photo

She had been searching for so long.  Only finding what she was looking for in her dreams.  Dressed in a beautiful flowing gown she stood on the cliff.  Looking toward her home.  Held in the clouds by anchors to who-knows-where.  Her beautiful castle in the sky.  Waterfalls cascading into space and time.  Birds flying over head, singing for her to come home.  As she stepped forward, a bridge appeared in mid-air and she slowly headed to her castle home in the sky.  

***********

Belle xo

Poem, poetry

Gloriously Entwined

gothic-2910057__480

*Picture from Pixabay

In the wee hours of the night

If you look intently you might

See the world of fantasy

Just a glance across a balcony 

To be just a moment in time

When you are not sure to find

The glitter and shine of fairy lights 

That twinkle around like ice

On trees and flowers around 

As Mother Nature touches down

Making a splendid world of imagination

A beautiful magical expression

Transforming all you know

Into a paradise to bestow

All the thoughts and dreams

That have their very own scenes

Into the moon glow of the hourglass sand

Moving through something so grand

As the distant memories of your mind

To find it all gloriously entwined

_________________________________________

Belle xo

writing, Writing Prompt

Oh When It Rains

041419

When going through a point in separation and divorce, I was deep in myself and trying to basically hide from the world, family, everyone and everything.  I didn’t know how to keep the things I was going through to myself ,what I was dealing with, so I closed down because I didn’t want to pull everyone into my problems.  Especially my kids.  It was not the right thing to do because I ended up hurting those I love instead of protecting them and keeping them out of things.

So it started by me pulling away from everyone.  My parents, my boys and my friends.  There were only a couple of people I would share things with and still felt guilty doing that.  Those I confided in, my family did not understand why, but I felt by having someone on the outside, they would see things better than I or family could.

At one point I freaked and ran.  I couldn’t deal with the way things were going and the way I felt pressured from every angle to decide and act on what I was going to do.  It scared and petrified me because of the change I knew I needed to make. That action I took (by running) really knocked my family for a loop, not only myself, and hurt them as well.  This I am not proud of and have been trying to make up for since.

So yes, when they say, “When it rains, it pours”, it means so much more than the actual downpour of rain.  😉

Anyway, after that I vowed to not do it again. I have learned to deal with things, talk about things I am going through with my counselor and those I love.  As a matter of fact, I turned another corner by opening up about things that have been going on recently with my mom, sister and niece.  I have also written a letter to my boys to share with them, when I am able to be right there with them, so I can answer any questions they might have.  Hopefully I can share this with them very soon.

When It Rains It Pours, Case In Point!

Belle xo

 

 

Hurting, me, sharing

Did you ever think…?

depression-72318__480

I wrote this because I am hurting right now.  I am hurting because the person I thought I would always have beside me and love had gone so far away from me I had to finally let go and find happiness.  I am hurting because he has decided to constantly lash out at me, since I have decided to let go, by blaming me for things he hears others say about me, and then tell those I love and are dear to me (that should not even be told these things), making my relationship strained and raw.

It was hard enough letting go of the one I had loved and swore I would never leave.  The one I spent years taking care of and supporting and being there through all the bad/sad/frustrating times.  The one I constantly tried to make happy and show I was happy no matter what we went through.  The one that fun, happy times together are the most wonderful memories I cherish.  And because of circumstances we both brought on from years of progressively going down a black hole, I had to leave.  It was the best thing for me to do.  He has finally learned how to stand on his own two feet and make something wonderful happen in his life.

Yet, he continues to try to make things hard for me and continues to try and find things that will hurt me because he is hurting.  So I had to get this out of me so that I can find my strength from within to continue moving forward and stop letting these thoughts and feelings bring me down as they have been in the recent days.

So, this I write from that place.  If you are reading this, bless you and thank you.

Belle xo

******************************************************************************

Did you ever think…

That you had something to do with the change

That you lied on a constant basis

That you made promises and constantly broke them

That you made me feel I was wrong

That you made me feel I wasn’t worth it

That you left me alone

That you hurting hurt me too

That your pain was my pain

That all I wanted was you to come back

That I wanted you to fight for me, for us

That what you did and said affected not only me

That I hung on for years trusting

That my trust was constantly broken

That all I kept thinking was it had to get better

That if I threw back what you did to me you would see it hurt

That I found it didn’t change things

That I learned from you what I swore I would never do or be

That I turned into someone I didn’t know

That I let myself change in a bad way

That because you shut down, eventually so did I

Did you ever think or realize that what you throw out comes back to you?

Did you ever think that my love for you made me let go and find the need to move on?

And do you ever realize by hurting me you hurt those we love too?