Mental Health

You Do Matter

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*Pixabay

This past Tuesday, June 16, was my birthday.  I used to make a big deal about birthdays and made sure my boys had a cake, gifts and we celebrated in style with a great dinner too.  But as they got older, and I was not celebrated as much as I celebrated others, I started thinking it wasn’t a big deal and so made less and less of a celebration of other’s birthdays.  I didn’t stop, I just didn’t make it as big a deal.  I still made sure they had a cake, gift, etc., but I just didn’t go all out as I did before, especially as the boys got older, did things with their friends, and then went on to college.

I still never forget a birthday of my friends and/or family and always make sure I tell them happy birthday.  I make sure my boys get birthday cards with at least a gift card or money so they can get what they want or have a dinner on me, and I try to call to talk to them on their special day.  Unfortunately, even then I sometimes don’t get to talk to them nor get a callback.  But, now that they are married and busy, I kind of understand.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I like it, but I do understand now that they have jobs, and a life separate from mine, their mom is no longer number one anymore.  Sad, but true. That is how it should be though. As long as they don’t forget about me. 😉

To top things off, with the dreaded COVID-19 putting stress on the world, having to be in quarantine, and being worried about things opening up and how to deal with the changes, well, that just added to it.  Granted, I did get lots of messages from friends and family telling me happy birthday, I was able to have lunch with my parents and had dinner with my friends across the street from me, but it just did not feel the same as it has been before.  I wasn’t at the store I manage for my parents, so no talking to people.  I didn’t have the one I love beside me to enjoy time with.  I was on my own for most of the day and evening.  I felt off the whole day and then had an emotionally charged day the next day.  Hate those days!!

I also had to remind myself that others are going through things right now too and may not be dealing well with all the changes.  They also may feel so cut off from others, they do not think of those special events or things that they normally remember because they are affected by other things happening, or not happening, in their lives.

My point is, I had a lot of thoughts and feelings in the last two days, and I want you all to know something.  I want each of you reading this to know, you do matter! Make sure that you are celebrated and have a great day on YOUR special day.  Even if it is you that celebrates you on your own. Make sure you take care of you and have fun! Yes, you want to make sure others know they are special and you remember them, but also make sure you are remembered too.  You were put on this earth for a reason.  We all were. You are worth the time and effort to be celebrated! Just know this and don’t ever think otherwise!

These are weird times we are in right now.  This too will be behind us soon and there will be better days to come.  Find something to enjoy.  Something that makes you smile.  Be silly, dance like no one is watching, laugh out loud as much as you can, love those around you, and make sure the ones you love know it.  (You really can never say it too much!)

If you ever need someone to talk to or just want to say Hi, please don’t hesitate to leave me a message.  I will respond.

I love you all!

Belle xo

(*These are thoughts and things I deal with.  Your situation and life, of course, is different, as we all are. Doesn’t make a difference if worse or better, we all matter.*)

Thought Of The Day

Thought for the Day

*Quote by Robyn Conley Downs

**Picture by me on one of my daily walks 🙂

My thought for today is to find the strength you need to share your message.  There are people out there that need to hear what you have to share, for they are going through what you have gone through and need to know they are not alone.  So, have the courage to speak up.  You have those that care for you and know your story.  They are behind you showing their support so that you can help others.

I know this is easier said than done at times.  Boy, do I know this! But to share is to help others and it gives great joy to be able to do this.

Have a great day!

Belle xo

sharing, thoughts

Love You and Your Body

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*Pixabay

I have always had a love/hate relationship with my body.  But I have found that if I do not like something about my body I either need to live with it and love it, or do something about it and love it more.  That is why I am working with my doctor right now on a diet plan where I have a monthly check up for her to keep tabs on me.  And as I do this, I am exercising, going to yoga and eating a healthy diet (for the main part). I feel so great right now for doing this.

So, when I have a lady come in to our store, as she is going to be a model for us at the local fashion show we are participating in, and she is constantly down on herself; the way she looks, her body and her age, I try my best to make her feel good and confident about herself.  It hurts me to hear someone put themselves down and make rude comments about themselves.  It just isn’t right.  I just wanted her to feel good in her own skin!

Tonight was the fashion show and she looked great along with the other 10 models we had.  She being the oldest, she looked amazing and they all did so great!

How do you feel about your body?

Belle xo

 

sharing, Uncategorized

Needing To Share

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At this time in my life, I am feeling a bit out in left field.  I feel that one part of my life is closed and another is beginning, with the continuation of me going through it.  Does that make sense?

For the last 30 years I have had happy times, fun times, frustrating and upset times, along with all that is in between.  It has just been life.  Unfortunately I felt I wasn’t enough, nor made a difference, in a person’s life and had to walk away from all I have known for those last 30 years.  It truly is like grieving a loss as I have gone through this change.  I know it is for the best for us both and hopefully we will come out the other side with a better understanding of each other and why it all happened the way it did.

My absolute wish is that he finds stability and strength in himself that I always tried to make him see as I saw in him.

I have found in myself a person I knew myself to be as well as a person I did not know yet.  Funny how that happens when all you have is time to know yourself.  As I have gone through counseling in the last 2 1/2 years, I have learned that I am an emotional person and that is okay.  That I am very sensitive to others, want to please others (but now make sure there are boundaries in doing so), know that the reason I like being alone at times is my mind needs peace from others and the world when it is overwhelmed, realize when someone is trying to blame me for something they are actually to blame for or share in the blame for, and that even though I do not like conflict, at times I have to face it to get through it or end it immediately.  I even realize that I do not trust my own decisions at times, because I have made some pretty bad ones in the past.  And there is so much more.

I am very blessed to have family and friends that love me and support me.  Even if they do not understand what I am going through or why I do things at times right now, they trust that I will get through it and be okay.  They are there for me if I need them as I am here for them as well.

I have some life changing decisions to make.  And even though I do not have to make them at this moment I will have to make them soon.  (Which falls back on my not trusting myself still in making the right decisions.) I am learning to trust myself, what I do and the decisions, and moves, I make in life.  I have to realize that even though I love helping others and want them to be happy, I also have to be happy in what I do and how I live.  I have learned that this is not being selfish, but being smart.  Others respect you more if you respect them by telling them what you cannot do and giving them your boundaries.  That is not only showing respect to them but also to yourself.

Now one thing I have been upset about finding in myself is that I had started to react negatively if I was blamed for something and I was the person to blame.  I would turn it back around on something or someone else.  Now that person may have been partially to blame but I was not accepting my part in it.  Until it was thrown back at me that I did it. I could have hit the ground! I was ashamed that I had not realized I had picked up a bad habit of not completely accepting my wrong doings, especially when I used to pride myself in accepting when I did something wrong.  No one likes to be wrong but to accept and admit when you are is strength in itself.

I admit, I picked up some really bad habits in the last few years before and after my separation.  To protect myself and those I love, I blocked myself away from them.  I cut myself off basically.  I would not talk about my problems, what I was going through, nor what was going on with me.  I was both ashamed of what I was going through as well as not wanting to bring anyone into my problems and weigh them down with everything.  It was my cross to bear and my problems to fix or get through.  Therefore, everyone I love thought I was becoming someone they didn’t know anymore just because I would not talk or share.  They thought I didn’t trust nor love them anymore.  Especially my boys.  (For this I am so upset about and ashamed.)  I didn’t want them hurting any more than what they were going through seeing their parents separating.  Unfortunately, because I did this, they were getting only one side of the story.  I feel I have messed up my relationship with them because of this and it hurts so much.  They say they know and are not blind to things, but still, I don’t think they realize everything.

Anyway, I just had to put this all down because it has been rolling around in my head for quite a long time now.  I had to place it down somewhere, so why not here. Ha!

I am still going through things, as you see, but it is getting better every day.  I pray some day I will look back on this and think, “Sheesh, you over reacted!” (*Rolling eyes) Time will tell.

Thank you, once again, my friends for bearing with me and my sharing what is in my head and heart.

Have a wonderful weekend!! ❤

Belle xo

Daily prompt, DWP, Uncategorized

Daily Word Prompt – Noise

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Pixabay pic

What do you do when the noise of the world invades your mind and your thoughts?

You either let it in, or you chase it away.

If you let it in, the noise might overtake you and carry you to a place you don’t want to be.  To a place that brings you to a low place or thought.  Draining your energy.

It might even take you to a place that you need to be and out of your mind and thoughts that are bringing you down.

Or, if you chase it away, does it let you keep some great memories and thoughts for a bit longer? Basking in the happy times that put a smile on your face and a glow in your heart.

Maybe if you chase it away though you stay in negative thoughts and images that need to be put away and left there.

Either way, I believe we each go through times where we need to determine whether the noise is beneficial or harmful and react in the appropriate way.  Noises can be good, but they can also be bad.  Using them in the way we need them is the best way possible.

Do you agree?

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I know, a bit philosophical I guess.  Ha!

Belle xo

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