me, sharing

Something more…

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I know I have been doing only the song challenge for the most part over the last month, but I plan on changing that in the new year.  I have been dealing with so much this past year that to have this to escape into has kinda helped a bit.  It’s been disheartening to see the side of me that gets down and depressed, but I know it is me going through things and processing things I have had to deal with and am dealing with in my own way.  It’s hard to leave a relationship you had invested so much time and effort into.  But when you realize that you have done all you can and that if you don’t leave that relationship it will most likely go back to the way it was eventually again, there is no other option.  Not if I want to be happy and be me again.  I lost me.

I have always been one to see the brighter side of things. To see the good and the bad, but lean toward the good.  To put myself in someone else’s shoes so that I can understand what they are going through.  To not judge others because they may be going through something worse than I am.  To be sensitive to others and help if I can.

With all these things, I am learning to do them with self thought and mindfulness to self.   I must have my boundaries so that I can do them without losing myself in the process.  I am still learning.  I do lose myself still at times.  But I am getting better at it (I think).

The writing and sharing here on my blog helps a lot too.  Even if no one reads these things I write and share, it is offering me a way to get the thoughts and feelings out of my head and down on “paper’ (so to speak).  Which gives me release to the anxiety and stress I feel when holding it all in.  And I thank you all that do come by, read my posts and give me comments and feed back!  It really does help too.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that my goal for the new year is to get more into joining prompts and writing more here in my blog.  It’s time to do more.  I hope y’all can handle it! 😉

Belle xo

 

me, travel

Second Trip To London

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So, I recently had my second trip to London to see my friends and it took me a bit to get my writing together on it.  It was a couple of weeks and I tried to see and visit places and people but was not able to do all I wanted to.  While there I was able to take a day, Friday to be exact, and was taken on a tour to Notting Hill and Portobello Road.  It was amazing the history and stories to be told about that area and why it has become how it is today.  My wonderful historian friend helped me with the facts so some of the things I have shared are in her words.

We started by meeting at Pembridge Road, right by the Notting Hill Gate Underground tube and we went from there towards the Portobello Road, parallel to Ladbroke Grove.

 

 

You could just feel the change in energy once we hit Portobello Market.  Walking by the Electric Cinema, The Duke of Wellington and the Earl of Lonsdale pubs (among many other pubs), seeing the antiques market, the food stalls, the vintage stores,  you get a very real sense of history unfolding before your eyes.

 

 

From what I understand, in the mid 1800s Notting Hill area became more residential where large homes were built, for the emerging middle classes as people began to move westwards, out of London. Fancy Notting Hill used to be an area that serviced the richer families and was once primarily known for its pigs. Locally, it was known as  The Piggeries because there was a ratio of 3 to 1 pigs per person. Because of rapid over development the large houses later were split up into smaller rented dwellings. They were eventually populated by Afro-Caribbean immigrants brought over to Britain after WW2, to help rebuild the country. However, racial tensions arose, spurred on by the Mosely fascists, and in 1958 a race riot broke out. Later, in the 1970’s, racial tensions would arise again as a response to heavy policing and economic deprivation. But since the 1980’s the area has gradually gentrified and the rioting impulse has faded.

The Notting Hill Carnival is now one of the world’s largest street carnivals. It arose out of local actions. In the 1960’s, the area was still filled with bomb sites and it was a desperately poor place to live.

Wanting to give the children in the area a safe place to play, the residents (including musicians, activists, hippies and local families) developed their own adventure playground and (illegally) opened up previously locked and unused parks.  To celebrate the opening of the parks and the adventure playground, they held a party. Given the large Caribbean population, it wasn’t long before the steel drums came out and a joyful street parade began. This was 1966 and the start of Europe’s largest and most exuberant street party.

As we walked from the park area and back toward Portobello Road, we came across what was originally a waxwork/drapers’ models factory, later a church. Then Basing Street Studios (1966), then Sarm Studios with bands like Bob Marley, Exodus and Punk bands. It was also where the song “Do They Know It’s Christmas” was recorded where all sorts of famous artist came together in one place.

In the late 1960s the building became the offices and studios of Island Records.  At this stage the Island label specialized in folk and prog rock.  Led Zeppelin began recording their fourth album, including ‘Stairway To Heaven’, in the newly opened Island studios in 1970.

Around 1972, Bob Marley turned up on Basing Street, when he was staying in Neasden after touring with Johnny Nash. Chris Blackwell proceeded to sign the Wailers to Island for their major label debut, the Zippo-sleeved ‘Catch A Fire’, which was remixed and promoted on Basing Street as the first rock-reggae crossover album.  For some time Bob lived above the Island studios and his wife Rita of the I-Threes was a Basing Street resident for several years.

In the mid 80s the Island recording studios at 8-10 Basing Street became Sarm West, the HQ of the ZTT label of Trevor Horn and Paul Morley, who brought us Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s ‘Relax’ single, ‘Frankie Say Relax’ T-shirts, Propaganda and Art of Noise.

Some great names have gone through the studio on Basing Street.  Unfortunately, it is, like much else of west London, being converted into luxury apartments.

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*Picture from Portobello Road Market website *

Once we reached Portobello Road again, after viewing where the park was located, we continued on through the market traders and their wares, stopping at some to check out what they had.  The market continued on down to where there was a school and across the street from the school, on the sidewalk where more of the market traders were, were paintings on the wall of the history of the area.  It was wonderful to see.  From there, we went back the way we came.  I was so overwhelmed by all that was offered from the traders, I ended up not purchasing anything.  Crazy, I know, but I just was so overwhelmed, I couldn’t.  Hopefully there will be another time for me to do so.

I hope if you ever get to go and experience Portobello Road and Notting Hill, you will, and can come back and tell me what you came away with yourself.  What a great experience that was!

Belle xo

*All Pictures taken by me except the last one, and that I posted where it is from under the picture*

me, Questions, sharing

20 Questions

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20 Questions

• What’s the most dangerous situation you have ever been in?

–On an icy interstate in rush hour traffic with the family in the car and a semi truck behind me having to slam on his brakes and he comes sliding toward me and ended up stopping inches from our back end!  It could have ended up so much worse!

• What’s your favourite culture?

–The 80s culture which was music culture with MTV, pop music and big hair metal bands.

• What do you dislike about your own culture?

–Our current culture is all electronic devices, social networks and online everything. This is both good and bad.  While it has people constantly with their noses in a device its also great way to reach all kinds of places all over the world.

• Your favourite type of travel?

–Flying and road trips

• Do you feel understood?

–Not always

• How do you feel about your body?

–Some parts of my body are great, others need help

• What is your favourite film?

–So many!! Love romantic comedies

• Are you adventurous with food?

–I like to try new things at least once.

• Have you ever hated a place and wanted to come home?

–Haven’t really hated anywhere, but have been disappointed a couple of times

• Are you bothered about others seeing you naked?

–Yes, I am, but then again it’s a mind set

• Are you a good loser?

–Yes I am a pretty good loser.  Don’t like it but don’t make a big deal about it

• What was the favourite time of your life?

–I have to say, I like the me I am now.  I also liked the way I was in my 20s

• Do you have a close family connection?

–My family has always been close and one of the closest connections is one of my cousins

• Can you speak another language?

–I am working on that 😉 (Took French in school and working on Spanish)

• Will Trump be in for another term?

–No idea

• What are your thoughts on English people?

–They are great!

• Was life better without mobile phones?

–It was different and we had other ways to connect.  Mobile phones are the now though and the ultimate way we connect

• What has been the biggest change in your life?

–Letting go of someone after fighting for them for so long

• Is climate change real?

–Well, obviously, along with other factors

• Why do you like answering questions?

–It’s fun 🙂

Feel free to C&P and play along!

Belle xo

*Picture from Pinterest

me, Poem, poetry

In The Archives

woman-3435842__480I never thought I would be in this place

Always thought, not me, it could never happen to me

Yet, here I am, feeling at times I have fallen from grace

Feeling so ashamed, broken and crappy

I fought so hard, yet still didn’t save us

But that’s what happens when only one is making the effort

Then you woke up and decided to fuss

Even though we already seemed to be severed

With no communication and trust to help in the fix

It all fell apart no matter what was in the mix

No amount of counseling, talking and listening would do

I still saw you continue to do the same with no clue

And until I finally gave up and you went to the retreat

Did you admit all I had been saying was concrete

I am done and hate it has come to this

For even though the years have been hell and bliss

I know its time to move on with our lives

And put this part of us in the archives

Belle xo

*Picture from Pixabay

 

 

 

me, sharing, thoughts

Have You Ever Been Afraid to Let Go?

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I have to get this out of my head, share it and move on…..

Have you ever been afraid to let go of something you have known for so long?  Even if it is for the best.  Even if there have been so many reasons that it is better to let go than to hang on.  Even if it will make you happy?

I have been in this very spot for years.  I know it is for the best, but I have known it for so long, lived it for so long, it is scary to let go.

I have been in a relationship for over thirty years.  It scares the shit out of me to let it go.  It is all I have known for those thirty years.  Even knowing it is better for me to get out of it and move on, it is so damn hard! Have you ever been in something that long, known it was not good for you, yet you continued to have hope, continued to fight for it, continued to see the good side of it all?  Yet finally realize it wasn’t working, you weren’t making it change and it was actually hurting you not helping you to stay in it?

Then once you had finally gotten to that point, had given up, had gotten out, that the other person realized what had happened and finally started to say they were sorry, say they were going to change, say they had changed and were finally doing something to show for it….but, because of how this person has been over the years, saying all these things and not actually putting into action what they said, that you can’t believe them?  It tears you apart, breaks your heart and just hurts so much because it’s all you ever wanted and fought for up to where you finally let go.

I think what scares me the most is the change.  I have always said I love change.  Yet, here I am scared to death by this change because it is something so new and life changing that I have no idea how it will pan out.

When you have shared so much and gone through so much with a person and finally have to let them go, it makes you want to scream out, “WHY???”

“Why couldn’t you see this years ago when it first started? Why couldn’t you fight with me instead of waiting until I finally gave up? Why did you have to have these problems and why did it have to affect how we were and are?  Why couldn’t I fix it?  Why couldn’t I make a difference?  Why couldn’t I save us?  Why do I have to feel like such a failure? Why did I have to feel like I wasn’t good enough?  Why???????”

I am learning that it is not my fault, but I still get those feelings.  I still get those doubts.  I still feel like if I had just done something different it would have been okay, even knowing there wasn’t anything I could do.

I have always put others before myself and am learning to put myself first sometimes now.  I feel like it makes me look and sound like a narcissist, knowing I am furthest from such a person.  I have always been empathetic to others to a fault, taking on their problems if I can and putting myself in their shoes.  I care about others to a point my heart hurts and I lose myself for worrying about them.  I never realized that there are boundaries we must have and that people are responsible for their own problems and feelings and that I can’t take them on.  I can be there for them, support them, but it is not my responsibility to take them on as mine.

I must say through all this I have learned so much, about others and definitely about myself.  I just have to learn to move forward, to face change, and to trust that all will work out the way it is meant to.  The way God has planned it to work out.  It’s just really hard to see that it all will be okay at this point.

Belle xo

*Picture is from Pinterest