Update

Update and Suggestions

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*Pixabay

I have been a bit AWOL lately.  Was dealing with a lot so decided to take a break.  I know I still have a lot to wade through but I am getting there.

Anyway, I am working on a couple of things, like audio work and writings.  I am hoping to soon have at least some audio work done and can share.  I understand it is the way forward so am working on getting that started and very excited about it!

If you listen to Podcasts and have not yet listened to Joanna Penn of The Creative Penn, I strongly recommend giving her a listen or check out her website!

Also, I recommend Unemployable Podcast! Great advise and information you might be interested in too.

So, that is my two cents for the day and will be back really soon!

Love you all!

Belle xo

Update

I Am Back

Well, I was away for a bit to enjoy my birthday week and get through some hard stuff this week.  I knew this week would be hard so for my birthday week I went to the mountains and did a couple of trails to some beautiful, calming, peaceful waterfalls.  (Pictures above)

Then this week was my final hearing for my divorce.  I was an emotional wreck prior to the hearing.  I expected an emotional time during it, but it was quick (after waiting an hour from our start time to be called) and smooth with no emotional breakdown.  Although with the long exhausting drive and my emotions totally drained, I broke down once home.  To be expected I suppose.  That is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

No matter what we went through, the love is there and I will never ever forget the wonderful memories.

So, we will get through this and move on.

I thank everyone here, friends and readers, for your support and understanding.  I plan to continue on with this wonderful blog I love and hope to share so much more in the coming days, months and years!

Belle xo

Health, me

Boy, I am feeling old!

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*Pixabay

So, I’m feeling old.  Not because of how I feel but the things I have to do health wise at my age! Ugh!

I went to the doctor this past Wednesday to have my toes looked at where I sliced them open with a slate slab in my walkway about two weeks ago.  I am taking really good care of them and she said they are healing really well.

I then asked her about several things I was concerned about and I now (about to turn 52 on Sunday) am at an age that I have to go through certain testing to make sure all is okay with my body.  This includes colonoscopy, annual mammograms (of which I have to do now anyway, because they found a non-cancerous lump in my right breast) and because I am worried about my snoring (yes, I said snoring!) getting worse, I will be having a sleep apnea test done! Oh and I have a really hard time losing weight, no matter what I do and know that would help with the snoring, so we discussed options.  See what I mean?!? I feel like my body is going against the way I feel! *rolling eyes*

Why can’t our bodies not age, just stay young looking and feeling until we pass?? That would be great, wouldn’t it??!! 🙂

I do take care of myself and my body at least.  I don’t want anything creeping up and shocking me, so I continue to keep up with myself, try to eat healthy and stay active.  It’s all we can do, right?

So, even though I don’t feel my age, I have to do the things that make sure I continue to feel good in this body of mine.  I hope you all are as well!!

Love you all! ❤

Belle xo

anxiety, sharing

You Know The Feeling

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Picture from Pixabay

You Know…The Feeling

You know the feeling of anxiety.  The one that comes up and takes you by surprise.  You think you are fine.  Your gut is saying you are.  You have gone to your appointment by yourself because it is no big deal.  They are just checking that the mass has not gotten any bigger and it hasn’t moved.  Doctor says all is good and will see you in a year to check again.  Great!

You get to work and in the middle of your day, you get a little emotional with something you see.  No big deal.  That’s normal.  Right?  Just me and my female emotions is all.  Then someone says something a little harsher than normal and you just start crying.  WTH??!!

Yes, anxiety got me today! I didn’t realize, until the crying hit me, that I had let something that was okay, really get to me.  It is that “not knowing” and keeping a strong persona, especially once you know all is okay, so that no one sees you were worried or stressed about it.  No reason to be upset when all is okay, right?

Wrong.  We all have our ways of dealing with things.  I am just realizing when I do this kind of thing, that I was not dealing with it when I thought I was.  Before I would think I was just being emotional or having a bad day.  Now I know it was my anxiety I had not been dealing with and it finally hit me in this way instead of staying bottled up or seen as an emotional day.  It really is amazing the things you learn about yourself when you start paying attention!  🙂

Belle xo

 

 

me, sharing, thoughts

This World And My Belief

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I know there are a lot out there that do not agree with me.  This world has so much to learn.  I feel so sorry for how close minded so many on this earth are.  I also feel sorry for those that think they never do no wrong or no harm.  Those are the ones that judge.  They are the ones that turn their noses up at those that are different.  God gave us a reason for being on this earth.  He brought us into this world to make a difference in one way or another.  And, I believe, he is the only one that has the ultimate judgment on us all.  

Yes, there are people who do not believe in God.  There are also those that believe in other beings that put us here for a reason.  There are those that do not believe in any beings or Gods.  I believe there is a God.  I believe there are other spiritual beings and so much more in this world than we have any idea of being here.  Until that is proven otherwise I will continue to believe this.  

I cannot prove any of this, but I know I was brought up to believe in a God above all Gods.  

Now, just because I believe this, and know he is guiding me and watching out for me, does not mean I am greater than anyone else.  I am a sinner, as we all are.  I will never ever say I am better than anyone.  All people have been placed on this earth and in our lives for a reason.  Be it a lesson to learn, I life to change, a love to share…there are so many reasons.  

I have many creative gifts I have been given, and am trying to use each that was given to me in the best way.  I do not take for granted all that has been given to me.  I want so much to share them and make use of all of them in a way that makes a difference.  I am still learning what this is and as I learn I just hope I touch others in the right way.  I know I have been touched by so many.  

I was so innocent growing up.  I know my parents were protecting me from being hurt and knowing too much.  They wanted me to grow up the right way with no bad information to taint my ideas and the way I was.  Bless them.

I do wish I had been wiser where the way of the world and sex is concerned.  I believe there is a lot of information out there to learn and that teenagers should be aware of a lot of things that can either get them in trouble (like sharing private pics on the phone when underage) and things they should understand and be privy to so that they have a better way to protect themselves because they are in the know.  

I know we all have to grow up and learn things for ourselves.  I hope that we brought our sons up in a more open-minded home.  I still feel we did not make information available that they needed to make the right decisions.  But we did the best we could with what we felt was available without making their decisions for them.  I believe they have grown to be such fine wonderful men and am so proud of them.  I pray that they will always love their father and me, no matter what we go through and how we might change and do things.  

I am learning every day about things and am trying to find ways of expressing myself and helping others at the same time.  Maybe one day soon I will realize what that certain thing is.  Until then, I will continue to love those around me, help those I can help, listen to those that need an ear and a hand to hold and continue learning and growing every single day.

Belle xo

Hurting, thoughts

Haven’t Been Here

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So sorry I haven’t been here recently.  I am dealing with a lot and trying to work through it at the same time.  I have been at a writing conference and then working on some things regarding writing.  Trying to move forward in doing one of the things I love.

I am trying to not let things people say sway me to react and lose myself in being manipulated to act in the wrong way that I would be sorry in doing so.  I am a strong person but we all have our weaknesses and soft spots that can make us automatically react or act in the wrong way.  Several times recently I have had to stop myself, step back and breathe.

I am shaking, even at this moment, from something I received and read.  There are lies and half-truths about me in this document and it affected me to this point.  Unfortunately I know it is in part from hurting and reacting to something he believes.  I feel sorry for him, yet also I am angry that he is trying to hurt me in the same breath, in many ways.

I have been advised not to respond, so I am not.  But how I would love to!

I am an empathetic, loving, heart wide open person.  I have things I am working through, so I am guessing with me not talking about things, so that I can do this, it is making me look like a liar and a person hiding things.  Which I am sorry for, because that is not me, nor what I am meaning to do.

It’s amazing to me that some people have to constantly jump to their own conclusions and judgments regarding me.  Instead, I wish they would just come to me.  Ask me the questions they want to know.  If I can answer them, I will.  If I feel I need more time to understand things myself, I will tell that person so.

Anyway, I just really needed to get this all out of my head and heart.  I am really taking this a bit hard this time.

All my love,

Belle xo