Mental Health

You Do Matter

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*Pixabay

This past Tuesday, June 16, was my birthday.  I used to make a big deal about birthdays and made sure my boys had a cake, gifts and we celebrated in style with a great dinner too.  But as they got older, and I was not celebrated as much as I celebrated others, I started thinking it wasn’t a big deal and so made less and less of a celebration of other’s birthdays.  I didn’t stop, I just didn’t make it as big a deal.  I still made sure they had a cake, gift, etc., but I just didn’t go all out as I did before, especially as the boys got older, did things with their friends, and then went on to college.

I still never forget a birthday of my friends and/or family and always make sure I tell them happy birthday.  I make sure my boys get birthday cards with at least a gift card or money so they can get what they want or have a dinner on me, and I try to call to talk to them on their special day.  Unfortunately, even then I sometimes don’t get to talk to them nor get a callback.  But, now that they are married and busy, I kind of understand.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I like it, but I do understand now that they have jobs, and a life separate from mine, their mom is no longer number one anymore.  Sad, but true. That is how it should be though. As long as they don’t forget about me. 😉

To top things off, with the dreaded COVID-19 putting stress on the world, having to be in quarantine, and being worried about things opening up and how to deal with the changes, well, that just added to it.  Granted, I did get lots of messages from friends and family telling me happy birthday, I was able to have lunch with my parents and had dinner with my friends across the street from me, but it just did not feel the same as it has been before.  I wasn’t at the store I manage for my parents, so no talking to people.  I didn’t have the one I love beside me to enjoy time with.  I was on my own for most of the day and evening.  I felt off the whole day and then had an emotionally charged day the next day.  Hate those days!!

I also had to remind myself that others are going through things right now too and may not be dealing well with all the changes.  They also may feel so cut off from others, they do not think of those special events or things that they normally remember because they are affected by other things happening, or not happening, in their lives.

My point is, I had a lot of thoughts and feelings in the last two days, and I want you all to know something.  I want each of you reading this to know, you do matter! Make sure that you are celebrated and have a great day on YOUR special day.  Even if it is you that celebrates you on your own. Make sure you take care of you and have fun! Yes, you want to make sure others know they are special and you remember them, but also make sure you are remembered too.  You were put on this earth for a reason.  We all were. You are worth the time and effort to be celebrated! Just know this and don’t ever think otherwise!

These are weird times we are in right now.  This too will be behind us soon and there will be better days to come.  Find something to enjoy.  Something that makes you smile.  Be silly, dance like no one is watching, laugh out loud as much as you can, love those around you, and make sure the ones you love know it.  (You really can never say it too much!)

If you ever need someone to talk to or just want to say Hi, please don’t hesitate to leave me a message.  I will respond.

I love you all!

Belle xo

(*These are thoughts and things I deal with.  Your situation and life, of course, is different, as we all are. Doesn’t make a difference if worse or better, we all matter.*)

Update

Here’s What’s Happening!

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*Pixabay

I used to think I was weird because I was so sensitive to things and people around me.  I thought something was wrong with me. 

At times I would think, “why can’t I say what I need to say without crying or getting emotional?” Or, “what in the world am I giggling for or feeling all these butterflies in my stomach just because I want to say something?” Or the craziest of all, “why does this person make me feel overly protective over this other person,” or “wow! this person makes me feel excited and nervous when I am around them.”  

I have learned that I am a somewhat highly sensitive person. But more to the point, an empath (actually an empath with highly sensitive person inclinations), if you will, and to me, that is weird yet strangely a relief to know.  

I know many do not believe in the word and what it stands for and much less what that means about the person that is supposedly this “thing.” Believe me, I have tried to deny it for a very long time because I felt it put me in a vulnerable place, even more than just feeling it all. Now I am putting myself out there as having that ability and being looked at as weird, odd, and a bit out there.  

I now realize it is a gift that was given to me and if I trust it, I can learn from it and help others with it.

No, I am not some great person and I will never see myself as being special (I never have), but I do know I was given my many special creative gifts for a reason.  

I have decided it is now time to put my gifts to better use.  Yes, I am singing when I can.  Yes, I am writing a lot.  But, now I will put both my voice and writing together and I will be starting a podcast in a few weeks.  It will be centered around positivity.  Positivity, motivation, and inspiration from people and things in this world of ours.  

There is too much anger, hatred, selfishness, and childish acts of harm in this world.  It is time to get more love, positivity, and hope back into it.  Even if it is just a little at a time.  I am going to do my part, and put my little bit back into it, one week at a time with my podcast. Then along with that, continue throughout with content on my blog and all social media sites.  

I know it will not be for everyone.  But I will be here trying to shine a little bit of light on the world.  I will be here to share and to listen.  If I ever do not have an answer for a question asked, I will find someone that does and point you in that direction.  If there is a subject or a person you would like me to cover, please let me know.  I welcome suggestions.  Now, I will not always take the suggestions, but will always welcome them.  

I am but a small account right now.  One small voice in the many billions out there.  But, I will do my best and my part to help in some way with my voice and learning that I share.  For that is what, and all, I have to offer right now.  

So, in a week or two I will share the name and art of my podcast to look for and then in a couple of weeks, I will be giving you the information you will need for my podcasts, the places you can find it and the other social media sites as well.  

Right now, I am on twitter (@WonderingBelles) and Instagram (wonderingbelle or Belle Scribe) and I will put the information there as well.  

I am excited and nervous about this new adventure.  I know it is the right thing to do and share.  

I hope you will join me, enjoy the experiences, and share with others.  I love you all and look forward to your input and feedback once it all gets started! 🙂

Belle xo

Me, writing, topics, sharing

Continue to Learn and Be Enlightened

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*Photo from Pixabay

I have not felt like writing very much recently.  Mainly because no matter what I do, I am constantly being watched for what I write.  And if by any chance I say something “wrong” (even with hardly any followers on my blog) an alarm goes out and I am shut down again.

I started this blog to be able first to share things, like a journal, and not affect anyone, and yet get thoughts out of my head, get support, and show others possibly going through the same thing that they are not alone.  Second to be able to write poems and stories, etc, and let my creative side spill out and not be held inside.  And yet, here it is being held in again because of this.

I have reached a place in my life where I am finding the real me, understanding some things I didn’t before and feeling more myself than I have in such a very long time.  I have found that I am an extremely sensitive person of which I thought meant I was needy and over the top.  Now I understand it just means that I have a gift for feeling things from others around me in which makes me extra empathetic.  Now I understand why I could always put myself in other people’s shoes and feel what they felt and understood their side of things better than most.  And why my emotions sometimes were all over the place when in certain situations. And also why I needed and enjoyed being by myself.

It also explained why I felt the need to help those around me and take on their problems when they were not mine to take on.  Why I don’t like chaos and want everyone happy around me, so I tried all ways to make those around me happy, even if it meant I was not happy.  But I thought I was happy because others around me were.

Understanding these things has put more confidence in me to the point I feel my fire coming back.  The light inside of me is growing strong again.  I still cringe when someone I love is not happy.  But I understand more now, that I have to be happy too and my life has to be lived separately as well as with the ones I love.  So that we are all happy in our own way.

Anyway friends, I just wanted to share these things and I am finding my voice again and my confidence in my writing and love of creativity.  Hopefully, because of this, I will have some things to share very soon.

Until then, stay well.  Keep an open mind and keep learning in life and in you.

Belle xo

Thankful

Here We Are

I have a very special person in my life.  He has been by my side and supported me through so much, as I have tried to do for him as well (although I think he can say he has dealt with more 😉 ).  He has taken a place in my heart and there he stays.

Have you ever found someone you just click with.  The one that understands you more than you understand yourself?  The one that can tell you what you are thinking next before you think it?  The person that can tell something is wrong even before you realize it?  I have found that person.  I am blessed to have him in my life.

When I went to see him at the end of October, it was like I had just seen him, yet it felt like it had been forever! You know what I mean?

When he visited me last, he was going through the loss of his mother, the one person that had always been there, had looked after him and in turn, he looked after her until her passing.  I cannot imagine and don’t want to imagine.  I know it will come one day and I am not wanting it to.  My parents mean so much to me!

But during this time, he was lost.  He knew where he was, but he was numb to all around him.  He was not himself and all I could do was be there for him, as he has always been there for me.  As a matter of fact, just today he told me he didn’t realize how out of it he had been during that time.  From what I understand that is normal and it can definitely be worse.

So, when I saw him in October, he was getting back to himself.  We went to see his personal assistant get married at a quaint farm where they were using the barns as entertainment/wedding venues.  We went and saw friends in London and went over to Rotterdam for a few days to see friends.  As I said, I am blessed.  The scenery in Rotterdam was amazing and beautiful depending on where you went.  (I am sharing a few pictures I took at the top of the page.)

He is now here visiting for a couple of weeks and is more himself than even when I went there to see him.  I am so happy about that.  I am trying to make sure he sees things he hasn’t yet and is enjoying himself while he is here.  We have so much fun together!

Anyway, I just wanted to share a bit about him and hopefully if he reads this he will see and know how much I appreciate him and I thank him for being there and always having my back, supporting me through it all!