Poem, Uncategorized

My Heart is Broken

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My heart is broken to say the least

I put all my love and heart into one person for so long

Trusting that it would never be released

For once I give it, I give it completely and belong

Yet not knowing there is the slow white lying to a constant steady

That beats you down over and over so you’re not ready

For the trust to be taken and hope to be crushed

As you try and try again thinking it must

Be restored to where it once was for the heart

The heart to survive the betrayal it feels

Becoming weaker and far away from the smart

Love that existed and that seals

The souls to each heart and body

Of the one that is now shoddy

And far away from the way it once was

Just out of reach and leaves you to pause

Asking, “what did I do wrong? Why am I not enough?”

To bring that one back to you and out of the darkness

Causing him to be fake and to bluff

Not himself anymore and living the harshness

That became our life and being so lost

Not knowing what to do to bring us back

I tried and tried with it only being tossed

Back at me as if nothing would disperse the wrack

Of where we had found ourselves

Feeling we had put us on the shelves

For dealing with it later as always

Yet feeling we were in a constant haze

Finally I couldn’t take it any more

I was ready to run out the door

I didn’t know what else to do

So I said I was through

After fighting so hard and for so long

I had a hard time seeing I belonged

In this relationship we no longer connected to

For all the many years we were only continuing to undo

The love we had promised one another was gone

All I could do was look on

To hope for a better life for him if I left

Because in the last few years it was only bereft

He had to find himself again and so did I

The only way to see it was goodbye

So he went his way and I went mine

I pray that we will heal in time

So both our hearts will no longer be broken

But solid and steadfast for trust, love and hoping.

Belle

 

 

 

 

Update

I Am Back

Well, I was away for a bit to enjoy my birthday week and get through some hard stuff this week.  I knew this week would be hard so for my birthday week I went to the mountains and did a couple of trails to some beautiful, calming, peaceful waterfalls.  (Pictures above)

Then this week was my final hearing for my divorce.  I was an emotional wreck prior to the hearing.  I expected an emotional time during it, but it was quick (after waiting an hour from our start time to be called) and smooth with no emotional breakdown.  Although with the long exhausting drive and my emotions totally drained, I broke down once home.  To be expected I suppose.  That is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

No matter what we went through, the love is there and I will never ever forget the wonderful memories.

So, we will get through this and move on.

I thank everyone here, friends and readers, for your support and understanding.  I plan to continue on with this wonderful blog I love and hope to share so much more in the coming days, months and years!

Belle xo