thoughts

Fumbling Through

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*Pixabay

Do you ever feel like you are fumbling through life? Like no matter what you do and what decisions you make, they just lead you to the next fumbling stage?

I just want my life to be sound.  To not have to constantly worry about what is going to happen next, what bill is going to show up to be paid, what person is going to want something else from you or demand something be done, to make a stupid mistake and disappoint those you love, to continue to not do the right things.

I know I have made some good decisions in my life and I do not regret anything that has happened in my life. Any bad decisions or bad things that have happened are lessons learned and hopefully I won’t do them again.  Unfortunately that makes me not trust myself and my decisions at times.

It makes you wonder what you did in a past life (if there was one) that this life is paying for sometimes.   And if you make silly or bad decisions for yourself, what did you do regarding your kids, and are they okay?  Hopefully you did the best you could and they came out the better end of things.  I pray this is so!

I know we didn’t do things right at times and I know that we all learn as we go.  Just wishing at this moment I had been blessed with a business brain instead of a dreaming/creative brain.  It doesn’t seem to do anything for me but get me no where fast.   I know, that’s silly, because I have been told that I am blessed with a beautiful voice, a beautiful heart and soul.  Unfortunately, that hasn’t gotten me very far.  And here I am at an age where I should be enjoying myself.  The kids are grown and starting a life of their own.  I have time to travel and do things for myself and do the extra things I couldn’t before.  But having just gone through a divorce and trying to figure out my life all over again, and what direction to go, it’s not where I am.

So what do I do from here?

I have to make some big decisions and I know I have to do it when I am ready, but when will that be?  Why can’t they just be made for me? I know…I wouldn’t be happy or satisfied if someone else made it for me.  I have been told to not rush, take my time, so that the decisions I make will be what is right for me.  I know this to be true, but I let things distract me and it seems to take longer for me, especially longer than I want.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to read what is going on in my mind and hopefully I will continue to do more writing instead of sharing my mind/thoughts.  Ha!

Belle xo