me, sharing, thoughts, venting

Do you ever?

 

fullsizeoutput_4c39 *Louis Jover

Do you ever feel like someone is leading the same life as you when reading their blog? Do you get people asking you if you are this other person?

I have.  And even though she is a great person, others think she is bad because of what she does and writes.

What is it when you are trying to straighten out your life and make it better, certain someones keep trying to manipulate others to think you are a certain way to make you look bad and like you should be ashamed.  No matter how good you are or how loving and helpful and open to others you are!!

I know I am strong, just from what I have gone through, but how much stronger do I have to be and how much longer??

I am just ready to move on and be happy.  I just wish others would be happy for me and love me for me.  For who I am.  Not who they want me to be.

Belle xo

me, sharing, thoughts

Why?…Choices…Life…

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Why does it hurt so bad?

To know that you loved someone for so long, fought for them, tried to explain to them things that hurt and needed to be corrected in the relationship.  Tried to “fix” things that could be seen yet they could not see it for years.  Loved them through all they went through, took care of them the best you could, and continue to do the things you needed to keep things going.  Giving up needs for yourself so they would be better and be happy.

I hate knowing that I did everything I could to make things good and happy for us and our family, putting aside things for me, believing that one day we would be happy again and able to do things we wanted to do.  I trusted that.  I hate that I unselfishly gave myself to others for so long, not knowing there needed to be boundaries and shared responsibilities to have a strong relationship.  I hate not knowing all this killed a relationship I trusted would be there always.

I hate knowing I made choices that have put me where I am.  I made the choice to take care of everything and everyone for years.  I made the choice to put my self-care and happiness aside so that others would be okay and happy.  I made the choice too late to do something about making me happy and leaving what I couldn’t control.  For me, I made the choice to stay in a relationship trusting that everything would eventually be okay.  And then having to make the choice that we are better off apart.

I’m not perfect. Lord knows I am so far from perfect!  And I am not saying I am or that I need sympathy or understanding.  Just needed to get this down, once again, and out of my head. (*covering face with hands*)

I also made the choice to find what was missing in my life.  What I could do to make me happy.  Yes, I may have made wrong choices in doing this.  Yes, I may have made mistakes.  I have learned from those mistakes.  As a matter of fact, I am still learning.

What some think is wrong where I am concerned and in the things I am doing, others believe in me and know I am on a journey to understand and feel good in myself.  We all need to understand ourselves and learn what is right in ourselves.  People say we only have so much time…to live, to do, to forgive, to do what is best, to learn, to be happy.  But, we do have time for all this.  We have our own time.  There is no reason to rush.  There is no reason to quickly take in everything you do and learn every day.

I am tired of being the one that is wrong, bad, a sinner… We are ALL wrong, bad and sinners in our own way.  It is the way of the world.  No one is perfect.  No one has the right to judge someone else.  No one has the right to tell someone else how to live and love.  We have to accept one another as we are.  We are all human.

Heaven forbid we lose someone, or ourselves pass away, too soon.  Make sure you share your love with all those that matter to you.  Make sure that those that you love know you do and feel it.  Make sure that those that have hurt you know you have forgiven them and moved on.  Let those around you feel your love and peace through all you do and say.

We all have the time we have.  Use it wisely and enjoy the journey.

I will step down now.  Thank you for your attention so that I could share.  🙂

Belle xo

*Pic from Pixabay

me, sharing, thoughts

My Truth

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I have been blessed with a wonderful family and good friends.

I have been happy for most of my life, except when I felt lied to, unappreciated, misunderstood and looked over.  I have recently, in the last 5 years, made a move to change my life.  To find the me that I have lost and to understand why I have turned out at this time the way I am.  I have always been focused on the people around me.  Making sure they are happy and there is no conflict.  I put myself and my needs aside to make sure others’ needs were met first.  I was always taught that others’ needs should come before mine.  To think of myself first was being selfish and not right.

I have recently found that what I was taught was only half right.  Yes, I should think of others, but I also should think of myself.  Sometimes I need to be taken care of so that I can take care of others.  I feel that by me finding that I need to take care of my needs, those around me think I am being selfish or even narcissistic in my actions.  This is furthest from the truth.  I am empathetic to all around me, to the point I sometimes lose myself by putting myself in someone else’s shoes.  I have always put others happiness first.  Even now I question myself anytime I put myself first and what that looks like to others, which is so wrong.  We should each be able to do things in our lives that makes us happy too.  How can we enjoy life and all it has to offer if we have to constantly worry about others that should be taking care of themselves and their happiness.

Yes, there are some that need help and there is a difference where that is concerned. There are parents, grandparents, children, ill and disabled individuals that need extra help.  This is a given and not what I am talking about here.

Because of how I have handled things and dealt with things for the past 30 to 40 years, and realizing it should be different, I am learning, it seems, all over again.  There should have been boundaries and communication.  In all my relationships.

Even now, I still have a hard time developing close friendships.  I fear each relationship will end the same as they always have.  I over-think and over-worry about things.  Yet, I also know if I don’t take a step forward in trying to develop a close relationship I will never have one.  Trust is earned on both sides and it takes time, energy and communication from both parties to make it work.

I have learned so much, not only from my failed marriage, all I am going through because of it and that I am not alone, but that there are such things as boundaries, knowing your worth and telling and knowing your truth.  And above all, love yourself because only you and God will, if no one else.

Belle xo

 

 

DWP, thoughts, writing

Vicious

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Vicious

How do you control a Vicious person?

One that is wild and uncontrollable

That has no remorse for what they do

No sorrow or feelings for another human being

What do you do to stop a person such as this?

When the person is so Vicious they hurt someone

Hurt them with words and actions so brutally

That a person thinks all they can do is make themselves disappear

To hide from the world in fear that the hurt will continue if they don’t

How do you make it stop?

How do you make a Vicious, cruel person stop harming?

And turn them to a humane, remorseful, caring being

How?

*Click on the banner or the word prompt above to go to the Daily Word Prompt page*

 

 

me, sharing, thoughts

Quite Emotional Today

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I am quite emotional today.  I have a lot on me and am letting it overwhelm me.  To the point I am anxious, over-thinking way too much, and feeling like I am about to drown in my own emotional pool.

I am trying to breathe and think of other things, even listen to some relaxing music.  Nothing seems to be helping at the moment.  I want to scream, run away, anything to get away from everything right now.

I know that is not feasible so I am just working through it.  It helps that while working a friend comes by just because, and I got a great big hug from him!  Then customers come in and keep me occupied.  So I finally had some distractions which is good.

If any of you go through this at times, what do you do to get through?

Belle xo