Me, writing, topics, sharing, Update

Things I Have Done and Things In The Works

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I would like to share with you, dear readers, some things I have done and am working on.  I have had so much going on in my life for the past few years and have found again my love of writing in the midst of this.  So that, along with my love of singing and using my voice, I have decided on a lot of avenues to be able to do with these things I love.  Here goes….

*You know (or maybe you don’t), I wrote a book about erotica, mystery, adventure and love.  It helped me escape from things I was trying to deal with in my life at the time as well as help me to express myself in a different way.  I let the story pour out of me and take on a life of its own.  I am proud of that book.  I know that some of my family and friends do not approve of it nor of some of the things in it, but that’s okay.  They do not have to read it nor accept it.  And I am going through it now to correct errors and edit it a bit more, so I will be reintroducing it once that is done.  I am also going to start writing a second book with some of the same characters in it.  I feel, even if it never goes far, at least I tried.

*I am also writing a couple of other stories and am hoping they do well also, especially one of them.  These will be under the name I use here, Belle Scribe.  I enjoy the twist and turns you can make in a story and its fun to see where the story can go.  I am really excited!

*I have written short stories and poems that I am thinking of making into books of each.  I have so many of these, and I see others doing the same, as in putting them in a book together.  I think it is a great idea and am looking more into this.  We will see.

*Last but definitely not least, I am working on doing some audio work.  I have not been able to use my voice as much as I like, not having a full-on band to play with recently, other than on Sunday mornings.  So, I thought, what can I do to use my voice and share it with the world?  Audio work!  (Like audio book work, voice over, reading short stories for myself and others)  And now my small audio studio is set and ready to go.  I have done a couple of test readings and so far they are good.  I will be putting some audio to the stories here and hope you all will give me some good feed back once I do.  It would be very much appreciated, if so.  🙂

I have been listening to a lot of great podcasts recently regarding entrepreneurship, writing and audio, so am very excited to put things into practice and get started from here! And if you need someone to read your stories or help out, please let me know!

Belle xo

Music

Music – The Universal Language

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*Pixabay

You know, there are a lot of people using music in their posts, sharing the music they like or love and quoting lyrics from music.

Music is the universal language everyone loves and gets something from.

Music is a part of me.  I have been in the choir at church, had voice lessons, started in college as a music major (changing over to a different major because I didn’t want to do opera nor teach), was in an acapella group, recorded my own CD and have been in two cover bands and a praise band.  My love is singing, if you didn’t guess from the remark about voice lessons or opera.  I was given a gift that I love using and want to use more of.  There is a want in me to make people feel the music and the meaning of the song I sing.

Enjoying most genres of music (country, pop, rock, soft rock, jazz, instrumental, from the 60s on up to the current time), I will listen to different ones each day, or for a few days and then switch it up to something else the next.  Or I will have a mixture of all types to listen to within a given time period.  Loving the oldies and up to the fresh new sounds.  There are so many wonderful kinds of music and I find new ones I haven’t heard yet all the time.

There are songs I will listen to when I am angry to calm me down or let all the anger out with.  Then there are those I listen to that will make me happy when I am sad.  Of course, there are those that will make you cry and those that will make you feel strong, just by listening to them and feeling the music and the words.  It’s amazing what the right song and music can do.

Enjoying a song in another language is great too!  Like one you have always heard in English and then you hear it in Spanish or French.  Amazing!

The love of music can bring groups or individuals together that are strangers. Once the music starts it is like you have this connection that you share, this understanding of the same thing.  And for that space in time you share this energy that races through the masses.

Here are a few songs I like and want to share with you. I hope you enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, so I went a bit crazy.  And I am just getting started! 😉

Belle xo

Uncategorized

I Am What I Am

I saw someone on twitter share that this song is a great one to play and sing along to. I found it and absolutely agree. So, I am sharing the video and the lyrics for you to enjoy too!

youtu.be/BjcquP0sKjs

I am what I am
I am my own special creation
So come take a look
Give me the hook or the ovation

It’s my world that I want to have a little pride in
My world and it’s not a place I have to hide in
Life’s not worth a damn till you can say
Hey world I am what I am
I am what I am
I don’t want praise
I don’t want pity
I bang my own drum
Some think it’s noise
I think it’s pretty
And so what if I love each feather and each spangle
Why not try and see things from a different angle
Your life is a sham till you can say
Hey world I am what I am
I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the ace
Sometimes the deuces
It’s my life and there’s no return and no deposit
One life, so it’s time to open up your closet
Life’s not worth a damn till you can say
Hey world I am what I am
thoughts

Fumbling Through

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*Pixabay

Do you ever feel like you are fumbling through life? Like no matter what you do and what decisions you make, they just lead you to the next fumbling stage?

I just want my life to be sound.  To not have to constantly worry about what is going to happen next, what bill is going to show up to be paid, what person is going to want something else from you or demand something be done, to make a stupid mistake and disappoint those you love, to continue to not do the right things.

I know I have made some good decisions in my life and I do not regret anything that has happened in my life. Any bad decisions or bad things that have happened are lessons learned and hopefully I won’t do them again.  Unfortunately that makes me not trust myself and my decisions at times.

It makes you wonder what you did in a past life (if there was one) that this life is paying for sometimes.   And if you make silly or bad decisions for yourself, what did you do regarding your kids, and are they okay?  Hopefully you did the best you could and they came out the better end of things.  I pray this is so!

I know we didn’t do things right at times and I know that we all learn as we go.  Just wishing at this moment I had been blessed with a business brain instead of a dreaming/creative brain.  It doesn’t seem to do anything for me but get me no where fast.   I know, that’s silly, because I have been told that I am blessed with a beautiful voice, a beautiful heart and soul.  Unfortunately, that hasn’t gotten me very far.  And here I am at an age where I should be enjoying myself.  The kids are grown and starting a life of their own.  I have time to travel and do things for myself and do the extra things I couldn’t before, (of which I have started to do).  But having just gone through a divorce and trying to figure out my life all over again, and what direction to go, it’s not where I am.

So what do I do from here?

I have been told to not rush, take my time, so that the decisions I make will be what is right for me.  I know this to be true, but I let things distract me and it seems to take longer for me, especially longer than I want.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to read what is going on in my mind and hopefully I will continue to do more writing instead of sharing my mind/thoughts.  Ha!

Belle xo

 

 

Short story

The Peace That Lets You Breathe

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*Pixabay

Angie got in her car and headed south.  She wasn’t sure where she was going but knew she had to get away.  It took her the better part of four hours to get there but once she reached the beach area of South Carolina she knew she had found what she was looking for.

She got out of her car slowly, stripped down to her bathing suit, walked down across the sand and stepped in the lukewarm water.  Walking that way for a while just on the edge, she then stepped back up on the sand.  Finding a secluded area where she was sure others were not around, she sat down.  The sun felt so good on her face and body.

Taking a deep breath in, she sighed.  Peace.  The peace she needed and longed for.  At least for now.  She knew she had responsibilities and couldn’t stay long, but this is what she had been needing.  To get away from everything and everyone and just breathe.

Staying until she watched the beautiful sun set and stars come out over the ocean.  She then walked casually back to her car.  Breathing in deeply as she went.  Once back in her car, she sat there for a few minutes staring out over the sea before turning her car around and heading home.

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I can’t tell you the amount of times I have wanted to do just this.  To just get in my car and drive to the beach.  To sit on the sand and listen to the waves of the ocean to bring me peace of mind.  To still my thoughts and do nothing but listen and breathe.

Seeing this picture brought up those thoughts and feelings, so this story came out of it.

Belle xo

Short story, Uncategorized

Time and Space

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Breathing in, the smell of books, varnish and leather, she thrills at the prospect of what story to get lost in today.

Angie loves the library.  She has always felt in another world when there.  Looking up from where she is in the midst of a vast space of books on shelves, reaching up to the sky.  Like this world of books could go on and on without stopping into another world and dimension.  She could stay here forever.  Happy in knowing she will always be somewhere new each day.

She finds a book that she knows will take her away from this world into another for a while.  Going to a comfortable seat on a soft couch, she opens up the beautiful leather bound book to a bright new world and adventure.  She looks around her, no one is there and it is nice and quiet.  Looking back to the book fondly, she gives an excited smile.  Falling into the story, she loses herself once again.

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I love finding pictures that pull a story out of my head.  Something to start with and the possibilities of there being a future story are so open!

Belle xo

sharing, Uncategorized

Needing To Share

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At this time in my life, I am feeling a bit out in left field.  I feel that one part of my life is closed and another is beginning, with the continuation of me going through it.  Does that make sense?

For the last 30 years I have had happy times, fun times, frustrating and upset times, along with all that is in between.  It has just been life.  Unfortunately I felt I wasn’t enough, nor made a difference, in a person’s life and had to walk away from all I have known for those last 30 years.  It truly is like grieving a loss as I have gone through this change.  I know it is for the best for us both and hopefully we will come out the other side with a better understanding of each other and why it all happened the way it did.

My absolute wish is that he finds stability and strength in himself that I always tried to make him see as I saw in him.

I have found in myself a person I knew myself to be as well as a person I did not know yet.  Funny how that happens when all you have is time to know yourself.  As I have gone through counseling in the last 2 1/2 years, I have learned that I am an emotional person and that is okay.  That I am very sensitive to others, want to please others (but now make sure there are boundaries in doing so), know that the reason I like being alone at times is my mind needs peace from others and the world when it is overwhelmed, realize when someone is trying to blame me for something they are actually to blame for or share in the blame for, and that even though I do not like conflict, at times I have to face it to get through it or end it immediately.  I even realize that I do not trust my own decisions at times, because I have made some pretty bad ones in the past.  And there is so much more.

I am very blessed to have family and friends that love me and support me.  Even if they do not understand what I am going through or why I do things at times right now, they trust that I will get through it and be okay.  They are there for me if I need them as I am here for them as well.

I have some life changing decisions to make.  And even though I do not have to make them at this moment I will have to make them soon.  (Which falls back on my not trusting myself still in making the right decisions.) I am learning to trust myself, what I do and the decisions, and moves, I make in life.  I have to realize that even though I love helping others and want them to be happy, I also have to be happy in what I do and how I live.  I have learned that this is not being selfish, but being smart.  Others respect you more if you respect them by telling them what you cannot do and giving them your boundaries.  That is not only showing respect to them but also to yourself.

Now one thing I have been upset about finding in myself is that I had started to react negatively if I was blamed for something and I was the person to blame.  I would turn it back around on something or someone else.  Now that person may have been partially to blame but I was not accepting my part in it.  Until it was thrown back at me that I did it. I could have hit the ground! I was ashamed that I had not realized I had picked up a bad habit of not completely accepting my wrong doings, especially when I used to pride myself in accepting when I did something wrong.  No one likes to be wrong but to accept and admit when you are is strength in itself.

I admit, I picked up some really bad habits in the last few years before and after my separation.  To protect myself and those I love, I blocked myself away from them.  I cut myself off basically.  I would not talk about my problems, what I was going through, nor what was going on with me.  I was both ashamed of what I was going through as well as not wanting to bring anyone into my problems and weigh them down with everything.  It was my cross to bear and my problems to fix or get through.  Therefore, everyone I love thought I was becoming someone they didn’t know anymore just because I would not talk or share.  They thought I didn’t trust nor love them anymore.  Especially my boys.  (For this I am so upset about and ashamed.)  I didn’t want them hurting any more than what they were going through seeing their parents separating.  Unfortunately, because I did this, they were getting only one side of the story.  I feel I have messed up my relationship with them because of this and it hurts so much.  They say they know and are not blind to things, but still, I don’t think they realize everything.

Anyway, I just had to put this all down because it has been rolling around in my head for quite a long time now.  I had to place it down somewhere, so why not here. Ha!

I am still going through things, as you see, but it is getting better every day.  I pray some day I will look back on this and think, “Sheesh, you over reacted!” (*Rolling eyes) Time will tell.

Thank you, once again, my friends for bearing with me and my sharing what is in my head and heart.

Have a wonderful weekend!! ❤

Belle xo