To feel the sunshine on my skin
To see it brighten all around and within
Making everything brilliant and bright
Pulling all into its light
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. ~Herm Albright, quoted in Reader’s Digest, June 1995
Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same. ~Francesca Reigler
When going through a point in separation and divorce, I was deep in myself and trying to basically hide from the world, family, everyone and everything. I didn’t know how to keep the things I was going through to myself ,what I was dealing with, so I closed down because I didn’t want to pull everyone into my problems. Especially my kids. It was not the right thing to do because I ended up hurting those I love instead of protecting them and keeping them out of things.
So it started by me pulling away from everyone. My parents, my boys and my friends. There were only a couple of people I would share things with and still felt guilty doing that. Those I confided in, my family did not understand why, but I felt by having someone on the outside, they would see things better than I or family could.
At one point I freaked and ran. I couldn’t deal with the way things were going and the way I felt pressured from every angle to decide and act on what I was going to do. It scared and petrified me because of the change I knew I needed to make. That action I took (by running) really knocked my family for a loop, not only myself, and hurt them as well. This I am not proud of and have been trying to make up for since.
So yes, when they say, “When it rains, it pours”, it means so much more than the actual downpour of rain. 😉
Anyway, after that I vowed to not do it again. I have learned to deal with things, talk about things I am going through with my counselor and those I love. As a matter of fact, I turned another corner by opening up about things that have been going on recently with my mom, sister and niece. I have also written a letter to my boys to share with them, when I am able to be right there with them, so I can answer any questions they might have. Hopefully I can share this with them very soon.
When It Rains It Pours, Case In Point!
Participate in this world
Wake up each morning ready to go
Jump in and get in there
Interact with the ones around you
Enjoy all you do as you can
Get to know those you are with
Learn new things when you are able
Get in there and Participate in your life
For it is the only one you’ve got!
I know there are a lot out there that do not agree with me. This world has so much to learn. I feel so sorry for how close minded so many on this earth are. I also feel sorry for those that think they never do no wrong or no harm. Those are the ones that judge. They are the ones that turn their noses up at those that are different. God gave us a reason for being on this earth. He brought us into this world to make a difference in one way or another. And, I believe, he is the only one that has the ultimate judgment on us all.
Yes, there are people who do not believe in God. There are also those that believe in other beings that put us here for a reason. There are those that do not believe in any beings or Gods. I believe there is a God. I believe there are other spiritual beings and so much more in this world than we have any idea of being here. Until that is proven otherwise I will continue to believe this.
I cannot prove any of this, but I know I was brought up to believe in a God above all Gods.
Now, just because I believe this, and know he is guiding me and watching out for me, does not mean I am greater than anyone else. I am a sinner, as we all are. I will never ever say I am better than anyone. All people have been placed on this earth and in our lives for a reason. Be it a lesson to learn, I life to change, a love to share…there are so many reasons.
I have many creative gifts I have been given, and am trying to use each that was given to me in the best way. I do not take for granted all that has been given to me. I want so much to share them and make use of all of them in a way that makes a difference. I am still learning what this is and as I learn I just hope I touch others in the right way. I know I have been touched by so many.
I was so innocent growing up. I know my parents were protecting me from being hurt and knowing too much. They wanted me to grow up the right way with no bad information to taint my ideas and the way I was. Bless them.
I do wish I had been wiser where the way of the world and sex is concerned. I believe there is a lot of information out there to learn and that teenagers should be aware of a lot of things that can either get them in trouble (like sharing private pics on the phone when underage) and things they should understand and be privy to so that they have a better way to protect themselves because they are in the know.
I know we all have to grow up and learn things for ourselves. I hope that we brought our sons up in a more open-minded home. I still feel we did not make information available that they needed to make the right decisions. But we did the best we could with what we felt was available without making their decisions for them. I believe they have grown to be such fine wonderful men and am so proud of them. I pray that they will always love their father and me, no matter what we go through and how we might change and do things.
I am learning every day about things and am trying to find ways of expressing myself and helping others at the same time. Maybe one day soon I will realize what that certain thing is. Until then, I will continue to love those around me, help those I can help, listen to those that need an ear and a hand to hold and continue learning and growing every single day.
From a woman’s point of view I feel this is true. By going through this myself, and so scared I will again. Yet, if we don’t allow ourselves to love we will not know.
So sorry I haven’t been here recently. I am dealing with a lot and trying to work through it at the same time. I have been at a writing conference and then working on some things regarding writing. Trying to move forward in doing one of the things I love.
I am trying to not let things people say sway me to react and lose myself in being manipulated to act in the wrong way that I would be sorry in doing so. I am a strong person but we all have our weaknesses and soft spots that can make us automatically react or act in the wrong way. Several times recently I have had to stop myself, step back and breathe.
I am shaking, even at this moment, from something I received and read. There are lies and half-truths about me in this document and it affected me to this point. Unfortunately I know it is in part from hurting and reacting to something he believes. I feel sorry for him, yet also I am angry that he is trying to hurt me in the same breath, in many ways.
I have been advised not to respond, so I am not. But how I would love to!
I am an empathetic, loving, heart wide open person. I have things I am working through, so I am guessing with me not talking about things, so that I can do this, it is making me look like a liar and a person hiding things. Which I am sorry for, because that is not me, nor what I am meaning to do.
It’s amazing to me that some people have to constantly jump to their own conclusions and judgments regarding me. Instead, I wish they would just come to me. Ask me the questions they want to know. If I can answer them, I will. If I feel I need more time to understand things myself, I will tell that person so.
Anyway, I just really needed to get this all out of my head and heart. I am really taking this a bit hard this time.
All my love,