When going through a point in separation and divorce, I was deep in myself and trying to basically hide from the world, family, everyone and everything. I didn’t know how to keep the things I was going through to myself ,what I was dealing with, so I closed down because I didn’t want to pull everyone into my problems. Especially my kids. It was not the right thing to do because I ended up hurting those I love instead of protecting them and keeping them out of things.
So it started by me pulling away from everyone. My parents, my boys and my friends. There were only a couple of people I would share things with and still felt guilty doing that. Those I confided in, my family did not understand why, but I felt by having someone on the outside, they would see things better than I or family could.
At one point I freaked and ran. I couldn’t deal with the way things were going and the way I felt pressured from every angle to decide and act on what I was going to do. It scared and petrified me because of the change I knew I needed to make. That action I took (by running) really knocked my family for a loop, not only myself, and hurt them as well. This I am not proud of and have been trying to make up for since.
So yes, when they say, “When it rains, it pours”, it means so much more than the actual downpour of rain. 😉
Anyway, after that I vowed to not do it again. I have learned to deal with things, talk about things I am going through with my counselor and those I love. As a matter of fact, I turned another corner by opening up about things that have been going on recently with my mom, sister and niece. I have also written a letter to my boys to share with them, when I am able to be right there with them, so I can answer any questions they might have. Hopefully I can share this with them very soon.
When It Rains It Pours, Case In Point!