writing, Writing Prompt

Oh When It Rains

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When going through a point in separation and divorce, I was deep in myself and trying to basically hide from the world, family, everyone and everything.  I didn’t know how to keep the things I was going through to myself ,what I was dealing with, so I closed down because I didn’t want to pull everyone into my problems.  Especially my kids.  It was not the right thing to do because I ended up hurting those I love instead of protecting them and keeping them out of things.

So it started by me pulling away from everyone.  My parents, my boys and my friends.  There were only a couple of people I would share things with and still felt guilty doing that.  Those I confided in, my family did not understand why, but I felt by having someone on the outside, they would see things better than I or family could.

At one point I freaked and ran.  I couldn’t deal with the way things were going and the way I felt pressured from every angle to decide and act on what I was going to do.  It scared and petrified me because of the change I knew I needed to make. That action I took (by running) really knocked my family for a loop, not only myself, and hurt them as well.  This I am not proud of and have been trying to make up for since.

So yes, when they say, “When it rains, it pours”, it means so much more than the actual downpour of rain.  😉

Anyway, after that I vowed to not do it again. I have learned to deal with things, talk about things I am going through with my counselor and those I love.  As a matter of fact, I turned another corner by opening up about things that have been going on recently with my mom, sister and niece.  I have also written a letter to my boys to share with them, when I am able to be right there with them, so I can answer any questions they might have.  Hopefully I can share this with them very soon.

When It Rains It Pours, Case In Point!

Belle xo

 

 

10 thoughts on “Oh When It Rains”

  1. It’s so tough. My heart goes out to you because I’ve been there. It feels like if you share then you’re “badmouthing,” but if you’re quiet then you’re “hiding.” Women are always judged so harshly. 💖💖💖

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It is a tricky one. I found that when I was in the midst of the stress I had with Jack I failed to tell anyone else how much I was struggling. I think it was a mix of not wanting to burden anyone else, wanting myself to be strong and not feeble, and that I was still deeply fond of Jack despite what he was causing.

    But I think you are right, in some respects keeping things bottled up does damage, not telling those who love you most what is happening can make them feel alienated. It’s a tough decision to make.

    I think looking back now my family understand that I did not want them to have any negative view of my chosen career and life. But sadly die to imperfect human nature and a breakdown in communication a viscous cycle developed…pushing me further and further towards despair.

    I love my family very much, but I still find that because they get upset about the crime I was victim of, it is easier to talk to someone not so emotionally attached to me. I used to talk to my best friend Marta who is a psychologist but she had to move to Germany. So now it is another friend who has been through a similar experience herself an had to go through court (which resulted in three people being sent to prison). She is very level-headed and has no difficulty understanding the mix of feelings I have had at times.

    It can be hard to explain to my family why despite how much I love them, I have found it more helpful to talk to others about what I went through.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh gosh!! I’m so sorry you have gone through such a hard time. Thank you for sharing.
      Did you also feel like others have had it so much worse than you and didn’t want to look like it’s all about you? I have done that too is why ask. Along with not wanting to look weak, but strong.
      I have had many people tell me how strong I am for what I have gone through and am going through. But I definitely don’t feel like it!
      Thank you again, so very much, for sharing!!❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t compare.
        What is hugely stressful and distressing might seem insignificant to someone else. But we are all different.
        Of course I know that there are some who have grown up in war zones, lived their whole life surrounded by corruption, experienced all manner of abuse and ill-treatment.
        But when someone experiences something that is challenging to them – whether it be bullying, emotional, mental, physical abuse, or any other trial – it is their challenge. It effects them. And if someone feels they have to put a brave face on, stiff upper lip and pretend that it is no big deal, it can be harmful. Having someone to talk to and admit, actually I am finding this tough and my strength is dwindling, is a huge asset. Becoming isolated emotionally can make someone desperate and make very irrational decisions.
        When I was struggling most, the irrational decision I made was to go to a park on my own late at night instead of going home. That was unwise. In a city like London, a young woman should not be on her own at night in an isolated area. I certainly learnt my lesson! I have found that I do need to talk, but it is up to me to decide who to talk to. It’s not a popularity issue, I have chosen those who I found were able to help me without becoming overly emotional. My family love me without doubt, but I found it easier to talk to others who allowed me to work through my thoughts at a pace I could cope with.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You are so absolutely right! I have found all this to be true. Finally.
        It took time and me realizing what you are saying…that cutting myself off from others, isolating myself, was hurting me and putting me in a mind set that was dangerous to my well being.
        I knew I needed help, but it took me seeing how I was hurting my relationship with the ones I love to make me move to get help. I now have a counselor and a couple of friends I can go to to talk and work through things. It has made a huge difference and I am so thankful.
        You are so wonderful for sharing.
        ❤️

        Like

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