Haven’t Been Here

So sorry I haven’t been here recently.  I am dealing with a lot and trying to work through it at the same time.  I have been at a writing conference and then working on some things regarding writing.  Trying to move forward in doing one of the things I love.

I am trying to not let things people say sway me to react and lose myself in being manipulated to act in the wrong way that I would be sorry in doing so.  I am a strong person but we all have our weaknesses and soft spots that can make us automatically react or act in the wrong way.  Several times recently I have had to stop myself, step back and breathe.

I am shaking, even at this moment, from something I received and read.  There are lies and half-truths about me in this document and it affected me to this point.  Unfortunately I know it is in part from hurting and reacting to something he believes.  I feel sorry for him, yet also I am angry that he is trying to hurt me in the same breath, in many ways.

I have been advised not to respond, so I am not.  But how I would love to!

I am an empathetic, loving, heart wide open person.  I have things I am working through, so I am guessing with me not talking about things, so that I can do this, it is making me look like a liar and a person hiding things.  Which I am sorry for, because that is not me, nor what I am meaning to do.

It’s amazing to me that some people have to constantly jump to their own conclusions and judgments regarding me.  Instead, I wish they would just come to me.  Ask me the questions they want to know.  If I can answer them, I will.  If I feel I need more time to understand things myself, I will tell that person so.

Anyway, I just really needed to get this all out of my head and heart.  I am really taking this a bit hard this time.

All my love,

Belle xo