Hurting, me, sharing

Did you ever think…?

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I wrote this because I am hurting right now.  I am hurting because the person I thought I would always have beside me and love had gone so far away from me I had to finally let go and find happiness.  I am hurting because he has decided to constantly lash out at me, since I have decided to let go, by blaming me for things he hears others say about me, and then tell those I love and are dear to me (that should not even be told these things), making my relationship strained and raw.

It was hard enough letting go of the one I had loved and swore I would never leave.  The one I spent years taking care of and supporting and being there through all the bad/sad/frustrating times.  The one I constantly tried to make happy and show I was happy no matter what we went through.  The one that fun, happy times together are the most wonderful memories I cherish.  And because of circumstances we both brought on from years of progressively going down a black hole, I had to leave.  It was the best thing for me to do.  He has finally learned how to stand on his own two feet and make something wonderful happen in his life.

Yet, he continues to try to make things hard for me and continues to try and find things that will hurt me because he is hurting.  So I had to get this out of me so that I can find my strength from within to continue moving forward and stop letting these thoughts and feelings bring me down as they have been in the recent days.

So, this I write from that place.  If you are reading this, bless you and thank you.

Belle xo

******************************************************************************

Did you ever think…

That you had something to do with the change

That you lied on a constant basis

That you made promises and constantly broke them

That you made me feel I was wrong

That you made me feel I wasn’t worth it

That you left me alone

That you hurting hurt me too

That your pain was my pain

That all I wanted was you to come back

That I wanted you to fight for me, for us

That what you did and said affected not only me

That I hung on for years trusting

That my trust was constantly broken

That all I kept thinking was it had to get better

That if I threw back what you did to me you would see it hurt

That I found it didn’t change things

That I learned from you what I swore I would never do or be

That I turned into someone I didn’t know

That I let myself change in a bad way

That because you shut down, eventually so did I

Did you ever think or realize that what you throw out comes back to you?

Did you ever think that my love for you made me let go and find the need to move on?

And do you ever realize by hurting me you hurt those we love too?

 

13 thoughts on “Did you ever think…?”

  1. Belle – I had a very sad experience with my ex-flatmate. I still don’t understand what happened and I still have strong feelings for him. But I don’t think he was in control of his emotions frankly and he did a lot of hurtful things.

    Very painful situation that broke my heart.

    I feel for you so much. I think some people don’t know how to deal with strong emotions – when they start to love intensely, for some reason other negative emotions can be very intense when triggered like jealousy or resentment.

    Make sure you have wholesome people in your life who can help you to maintain your emotional health and not let someone else make your feel crushed.

    Liked by 1 person

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